


The Force of Regrets

by Cat2000



Series: Advent Bingo Challenge: Types Line With Hope1iz [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Harsh hand spanking, References to a massacre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 08:36:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat2000/pseuds/Cat2000
Summary: Title:  The Force of RegretsDisclaimer: We own nothing from the Star Wars franchise and are making nothing from this story.Summary: Written for the ‘punishment’ square in Advent Holiday Bingo. Luke confronts Ben





	The Force of Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Warning(s): Spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens; harsh hand spanking; mentions of a massacre  
> Authors: Cat2000 and Hope1iz

The young man looked in stunned disbelief. It had actually happened. The school had fallen. His classmates lay unmoving where'd they'd been struck down. He'd never believed it would come to this...never believed that the Jedi would fall...would _die_. At worst, he'd thought they'd admit defeat and join Snoke's cause. It hadn't happened that way, though. They'd fought- _every_ _,_ _last one of them_ \- to the death. And he'd played a part in it. He hadn't wanted to _kill_ them!

 

Tears streamed from the young man's eyes as he took in the carnage, regret and guilt heavy on his soul. He had to get away...find his master...but he was rooted to the spot. And then, across the courtyard- the bodies of his friends a chasm between them- he saw him. Luke Skywalker. His uncle.

 

Luke had felt them die. He hadn't returned in time to save his students. He looked around at the destruction. Young lives, filled with so much potential, snuffed out as if they were worth nothing. And there, in the middle of it all, stood his nephew.

 

Ben was defenseless. If Luke gave in to the anger and grief, he could strike his nephew down where he stood. That tiny part of him that roared in grief and anguish all but demanded it, but Luke could never bring himself to strike down his nephew. He _loved_ him. There had to be another way.

 

There were tears in Luke's eyes. Tears he refused to allow to fall as he stepped around the bodies of the students and made his way towards Ben.

 

Ben saw him coming. Knew he was expected to kill him. That had been the one murder that he _had_ expected to commit. He'd thought it would be easy. He hated his uncle, didn't he? But after all the others? He found his hate wasn't anything more than a child's petulance...a little boy's need to defy the 'grown ups'; and now that he could see what the result of his actions was?

 

He didn't want to kill Luke. He wanted to get as far away as possible and not have to face him; face the result of his awful mistake. See the pain and anguish in his uncle's eyes for the lost and see his rage and hate at Ben for causing this.

 

For the first time in his life, Ben was afraid of Luke and his power. No... terrified. Unfortunately, Ben's feet refused to move, and he was rooted to the spot. Reluctantly, he lifted the lightsaber he'd taken from the training room (he hadn't made his own yet), putting it between himself and his uncle. "Let me go..." His voice cracked toward the end, nerves and signs of quickly approaching adulthood making his voice unsteady.

 

"No, Ben." Luke stopped in front of his nephew, watching him. The tears were nearly impossible to hold back, but when he held his hand out to Ben, it remained steady and didn't tremble. "It's not too late to turn back from this path. This isn't you. _You are not this person_." His voice was low and intense, filled with that sincerity and belief.

 

Ben couldn't make himself look into his uncle's eyes, but he couldn't look down and see all his friends that were dead either. Instead, he focused on a point just over Luke's shoulder. "I didn't kill them," he found himself blurting.

 

He swallowed. He hadn't killed them directly. He'd just let those who did kill them in. He'd given their location to the enemy. He hadn't killed them, but it was still his fault. He knew that.

 

Luke kept his hand outstretched, steady and firm. "You didn't kill them directly, but you are still responsible." His voice was quiet yet serious. Ben couldn't run away from his responsibility. From his part in their deaths. "I know this is not the path you should be walking down."

 

Ben swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "I led them here...I let them in... It's too late for me..." He swallowed again. "I can't move." And he couldn't. He'd have run before his uncle ever found him, let alone reached him, if he could have moved. "I can't move." His voice was lost and afraid.

 

Luke stepped closer to Ben, his outstretched hand reaching for the lightsaber his nephew held and turning it off. The grief and pain were still there, but his entire being was focused on Ben.

 

"I can't move," Ben repeated, in the same lost voice, but finally let his eyes look at his uncle. He didn't make a move to keep the lightsaber.

 

Luke put the weapon away and then wrapped his arms around his nephew. The first thing he did...the _only_ thing he could do right now...was to hold onto Ben. They were surrounded by the bodies of his students, lost now. But Ben was still here. There was still a chance to save him.

 

"They weren't supposed to die..." Ben whispered, in the same lost tone. "They were supposed to join me...help the supreme commander unite the universe so there wouldn't be any more fighting. Mom could be home more...Dad wouldn't have to make any more spy runs..." he whispered.

 

"That's what you wanted to hear. That's what you wanted to believe," Luke said quietly. "Not the truth. Not the reality."

 

"I was so wrong... so, _so_ wrong..." Ben choked on his own breath. "I... I killed them. It's all my fault. I killed them!" His voice caught and cracked again.

 

Luke tightened his arms around his nephew, pushing aside his grief and pain, burying it under the love he had for his nephew. Ben didn't need his anger. He didn't need more blame piled on him.

 

There were dead bodies all around them. Luke moved both of them, away from the scene of carnage and devastation, entirely focused on his nephew. On saving the last of his students he could.

 

"I killed them, Uncle Luke! It's all my fault!" Ben began to cry, almost beside himself. "I'm sorry! I didn't _mean_ it! _I'm so sorry_!"

 

Luke hugged his nephew tighter to himself. "I know," he whispered, pushing aside his own grief and pain so he could entirely focus on his nephew and pulling Ben back to himself. He moved towards the smaller ship kept close by the academy in case of emergencies, one of the only things there still standing, and guided his nephew onto it. Once they were off the planet, he could devote himself to his nephew.

 

Ben was in shock...it was the only word for it. He wasn't aware when they got onto the ship and took off, his mind too occupied with thinking about the slaughter he'd witnessed, over and over. His friends were supposed to have been given a choice. They would join Snoke and bring about peace. The only one that would die would be his uncle Luke; that had been his assignment. Luke would never join Snoke and would warn the others if he lived, so it was a necessity. Ben hadn't berm happy about it and wasn't sure he could do it when the time came, but that had been the instructions.

 

When the day came, Luke had been unexpectedly absent from the school and Ben had been unable to inform Snoke. The man had been furious and told Ben he would wait for his uncle to return and once Luke was dead, then Ben would be retrieved. He'd then ordered his First guard to slaughter everyone else, no matter the age. Ben had been horrified and too scared to say anything, let alone do anything. None of them had been given a choice- just murdered- and it was in that second Ben knew he'd made a horrible mistake. One that could never be undone. The accusation in the eyes of his friends as they turned their faces toward _him_ in death....

 

Ben whimpered and choked back another sob, huddling into himself as he sat exactly where Luke had placed him. He glanced around briefly...long enough to realize they weren't on the planet any longer. ‘ _Uncle Luke_?’ He called out with his mind, in the same scared voice of the child who'd had nightmares but didn't want to leave the safety of bed to find mamma and poppa or disturb their sleep by screaming out; especially when, nine times out of ten, it would be Threepio who would come to check on him and not his parents. He'd always been able to reach his uncle, though, without even having to move.

 

It made what he'd planned to do even more evil. His uncle would be right to kill him. He deserved death after his betrayal.

 

Luke set the ship to autopilot and wasted no time in returning to his nephew's side. Sitting next to Ben, he reached out and placed his hand on his nephew's cheek and turned his face gently to look at him. "Who made you betray me, Ben?" he asked.

 

Ben's eyes were glassy from tears, shed and unshed. He was obviously still in shock. He just stared at his uncle, uncomprehending... until the question penetrated his fugue and then a wholly terrified look crossed his face and froze all of his body, the only movement frantic shivers.

 

"I can't say his name..." he finally managed to choke out. "...What if he knows?" He'd never figured out how Snoke had known to contact him, but he'd always made contact within moments of Ben saying his name. He wouldn't explain how it worked and Ben had been afraid to ask Luke (if it was something to do with the Force), because then his uncle would know. Of course, now Luke more than _knew_. It didn't ease the fear Ben had of Snoke.

 

"I'm shielding this whole ship," Luke replied calmly, his metallic hand gently resting on Ben's shoulder, his flesh hand stroking Ben's cheek. "No one will hear us. I need you to tell me everything."

 

Ben searched his uncle's face and could see Luke's belief in his shields. It helped ease Ben's own fears. He hesitantly began to talk. "He goes by Supreme Commander Snoke. He's got to be really old...he started talking to me before I came to be your Padawan...." Ben had been Luke's Padawan from the age of four.

 

Luke kept his hands on his nephew and continued making eye contact with Ben. "Why didn't you tell me? Or your parents?" he asked softly.

 

At the question, Ben couldn't help a hurt pout form on his face. "Momma and Poppa weren't home much when he started taking to me...and they'd found out I contacted you whenever they weren't home and had nightmares and Momma said you were very busy and I should get Threepio whenever I had bad dreams and they weren't home, not bother you. So I told Threepio and he got so flustered and worried and said I shouldn't tell anyone I was talking to voices in my head, because they might think the wrong thing and...and then Snoke said Threepio was right and it was safer for everyone if I didn't tell anyone. He made me promise not to tell..." By the end of this part of the confession, Ben was crying again. And this wasn't even the worst or hardest of things left to confess.

 

Luke sighed quietly and wrapped his arms around his nephew. "You shouldn't have told Threepio about that. You should have told me," he said softly. "I was never too busy for you. You know that. I welcomed it when you reached out to me." He let his hand rest on the back of Ben's head, as if cradling his nephew.

 

Ben shivered again and whimpered. "But Momma...." He didn't finish the words, pressing against his uncle's hand like a scared little boy.

 

"Should have talked to me if she was concerned. Not you," Luke finished. He held his nephew tight against him for a few more moments and then kissed the side of his head. Without a word, he then moved his nephew over his lap.

 

Ben was already crying, so the new position didn't affect that too much. He reached down and grasped his uncle's ankle. It had been a while since he'd been in this position, but while unsettling, he couldn't help but be hopeful this meant his uncle wasn't going to just kill him and wash his hands of the whole situation. Maybe he could be forgiven. After he'd made up for what he'd done.

 

Luke settled in place and let his hand rest gently on Ben's backside. "You shouldn't have listened to someone other than your family, my little nephew," he said, falling back on the nickname he'd used when Ben had called out to him as a child. Lifting his hand, he brought it down in a firm swat, but didn't immediately bare his nephew.

 

"I... I thought Threepio _was_ family..." Ben protested weakly, then whimpered when the first swat fell and squeezed his hand around his uncle's ankle. The nickname - not used since Ben had stopped calling out to his uncle in the middle of the night- made any resistance he had (and there wasn't much; events had broken him too thoroughly for him to fight) disappear. The only indication that he still had a small amount of fear about what his uncle would do was that he tensed at the swat, his body becoming less pliant, even if he wasn't fighting.

 

"Not Threepio...but you still should have reached out to me rather than just listen to him," Luke said seriously, bringing his hand down in firm smacks to punctuate each word. "I'm talking about this Snoke. _You should have told me when he first started talking to you_." He covered every inch of Ben's backside, down to his thighs.

 

"I... I should have!" Ben quickly agreed. It was easy to agree...he'd been wishing he'd told his uncle about Snoke and his plans the moment he'd realized Snoke had lied and never intended to recruit his friends. "He told me I had to kill you!" He blurted this out in confused shame. "I didn't want to, but he said it was necessary to get peace, so Momma and Poppa didn't have to always be gone. I didn't want to, but I was gonna listen to him...." His voice wavered as the shame overtook everything else. "I... I was so foolish!" He cried harder.

 

Luke hardened himself to Ben's cries, knowing he couldn't let them weaken him. He had to do this. Had to get through to his nephew and make sure there was nothing of Snoke's influence left. "You thought you had to kill me. Did you think you had to kill the other students, too? Kill your friends? What did Snoke tell you that left with them all dead?" His hand continued to smack as he talked, going a bit harder and faster and focusing more swats to Ben's sit spots and thighs.

 

"No!" Ben sobbed. "They weren't s'posed to die! They were sposed to join me! To help bring peace!" Ben choked on his tears and started shifting for the first time since the spanking had started. It had been a long time since he'd been over his uncle's knee- anyone's, really- but he never remembered it being this hard. It hurt! His uncle was holding very little back (though Ben knew he _could_ hit hard enough to do damage, if he wanted). "Snoke promised that they would be allowed to join me, if they wanted. He broke his promise..." He whimpered.

 

"Did you really think he would keep his promise to you?" Luke asked. "A voice inside your head that told you to keep lying to your family. The people who _love_ you. That's why I'm doing this, Ben. Snoke? He doesn't love you. He's _never_ loved you." He began to tug down Ben's pants, even as he continued, "I reached back to you every time you reached out to me. I have _always_ been there for you, my little nephew."

 

"YES!" Ben all but wailed. "I _believed_ him! I _wanted_ to believe him! Wanted to believe he'd make momma and poppa _stop leaving me_!" He sobbed. "I wan... wanted to believe I wouldn't have to try and kill you. I knew I couldn't. You'd kill me first. But I hoped I could convince you to join him too. Then we could all be together as a family. I wouldn't be left anymore...." He continued to sob and, as Luke tugged his pants down, he began to frantically squirm. It hurt horribly over pants. He didn't think he could withstand on bare.

 

Luke closed his eyes, his metallic hand gently gripping the back of Ben's tunic. What could he say to that? His nephew had been young and vulnerable. The fault lay at least partially with him, Leia, Han. Tightening his hold on his nephew, to still his struggles, he finished pulling his nephew's pants down. "I'm not going to leave you anymore, Ben. I promise."

 

"Noooo!" Ben's struggles increased as Luke finished baring him, though he wasn't getting very far in his attempts to squirm away. It wasn't clear if his cry was one of disbelief at Luke's words, or a protest against more punishment. It had already become the worst spanking he'd ever received; the sting had already become a burning ache that didn't let up. How could he take more?

 

Luke decided it didn't matter what his nephew was responding to. The protest wouldn't change his promise or his actions. He resumed swatting Ben's bare backside, not using any more force, but covering skin he'd already swatted. "I love you. I love you, even though you betrayed me. Even though the students...your friends, who _trusted_ you...are dead."

 

" _Nooooo_!" Ben sobbed at the reminder of his crime. This time, the fighting was less an attempt to get away and more the actions of an out of control child. He felt so much guilt for what had happened. If he hadn't believed Snoke, the other Padawans would be alive. "... _My fault_..." he moaned, as he continued to sob and struggle.

 

"You bear some responsibility for it, my little nephew," Luke said, holding Ben easily in place and continuing to swat, going down to his thighs and then starting over from the top. "Because you allowed yourself to trust in someone other than your family." He paused to deliver several swats to each of Ben's sit spots and then started talking again. "Was Snoke behind your interest in Vader? Your grandfather?"

 

"He said he was a great Lord who would have united the universe...would have had you and momma rule by his side if you'd wanted...." Ben whimpered and moaned and sobbed out the answer. "...He said I was more powerful and could be just as great. That you all would be proud of me once you realized...." His backside throbbed by now and he knew he had to be bruised and raw. He wouldn't sit right for a month, if he survived. He just knew it; it hurt so bad.

 

"Do you realise now?" Luke pressed. "Do you know he's not on your side? That no 'great leader' would order the slaughter of innocents...of _children_. Vader did that. He fell to the dark side and it blinded him to the truth. He became a monster. _Is that what you want_?"

 

" _Nooooo_!" Ben wailed. "He was my grandfather... _you_ cared about him...he wasn't..." He didn't want to believe his grandfather was a monster. That he wasn't the great unifier he'd begun to hinge all his hopes on.

 

"I did," Luke answered. "Because he was able to do the right thing in the end. But it doesn't change what he did. It doesn't change the blood that was on his hands. It doesn't bring them back."

 

That cut deep. Did that mean that, no matter what he did in the future- even if it was good and helpful to the universe- he'd still carry the guilt and shame of his betrayal? "It was a mistake! I never meant...!" He choked on his tears, unable to breathe through his nose by this point. Deep down, he knew everything his uncle said was true, but he couldn't admit it. Couldn't admit his wrong he'd been. "You're hurting me!" he whined, in an attempt to deflect. He _was_ hurting; and not just physically.

 

"You never meant for them to die," Luke replied. "But you came to the academy with murder in your heart. To kill _me_."

 

Ben had no words for that. As much as he hadn't _wanted_ to; as much as he had hoped that things would happen in a way that would find his uncle on the same side as him; he had gone to the academy with clear instructions, if not exact plans, to kill his uncle. The guilt from that hurt worse than the already horrible spanking; and he couldn't deny his uncle's words.

 

"I wanted to fail..." He whispered the only defense he had. He knew it wasn't much and not nearly enough to be forgiven. Slumping, he just sobbed, not squirming or attempting to get away from the punishment. He hadn't given in yet, but he was no longer fighting.

 

Luke slowed the swats and lessened the force; not quite pats, but not wanting to risk causing any damage. "I know you wanted to fail. I could tell you didn't want to go through with it. But you still went through with the rest. I could have left you there, to walk that path you'd chosen. I didn't. I chose _you_."

 

"Why?" If one word could convey hopelessness, Ben's response did that. He wasn't fighting now. Instead, he was slumped, but holding himself unnaturally still.

 

"Because I love you." The response was simple but intense and earnest. "Because, even if I failed to save them...if I can save _you_ , it will be worth everything. If I can bring you back to me. Keep you with me. Make sure you don't feel neglected or pushed out _ever_ again."

 

Ben continued to cry and not move as Luke punished him. He felt he deserved death...if all he got was a sore bottom that he couldn't sit on for the next month, then he got off lightly. Still, it was hard not to fight. He wanted so badly to believe his uncle...but had been listening to Snoke for so long that it was difficult to do.

 

And then Snoke, as if sensing the hopelessness and emotional response to pain- but not knowing what was behind it- cut off the connection that he'd kept between himself and Ben from the moment he began grooming the younger man to join him. He'd obviously written him off as a loss. The sense of disgust sent Ben's way made it clear that Snoke had no more use for Ben and wouldn't be attempting to retrieve him.

 

The sense of being cut off from the one he'd pledged loyalty to and betrayed all that was truly important to him for left Ben floundering and he began to quake in place as he was faced without any type of support as he faced his uncle. And yes, Luke was being a lot more lenient and careful of him than he'd expected, but he was still on the wrong side of his uncle...still guilty of a horrible crime. "He...he's _gone_!" The tone of his voice was full of confused betrayal, even if there was a tiny hint of relief.

 

Luke didn't say good; that his nephew appeared to be free of the influence that had been over him. He was addressing more swats to Ben's sit spots and thighs, even if they were more like very firm pats. "He might be gone...but I'm not, Ben. I won't ever leave you again."

 

The swats certainly didn't feel like firm pats. They felt like full-fledged slaps against an already battered bottom. He had no clue how gentle his uncle was actually being, because the spanking had been going on for so long. This time, when he slumped, it was without any tension whatsoever. He just sobbed and accepted the punishment his uncle dealt, feeling lost and abandoned and hopeless. His uncle's words were heard, but hadn't yet penetrated deeply enough to make a difference.

 

Luke's hand didn't cease the firm pats, but he didn't stop talking, either. He only hoped that one or both would penetrate through to his nephew. He no longer just spoke out loud, repeating his words inside Ben's mind. "I'm here. You aren't alone. I don't hate you. I love you."

 

Ben wanted so desperately to believe his uncle. He wasn't able to slump any more; he was already bonelessly limp. All he could do was sob; but he'd been crying so long, his voice was raw and hoarse. Soon, he was sobbing silently, listening to his uncle and wishing...hoping it was the truth. "Don't deserve..." he whispered, his voice broken. He was close to completely giving up.

 

Luke lessened the swats even more, until they really were just light pats. "I'm not going to let you go, my little nephew. I'm not going to abandon you or give up on you. I love you," he said again.

 

It was too much. Ben had reached a point where he couldn't move. He couldn't cry. He could barely breathe. His bottom felt like it was abraded, swollen, raw. He didn't know if it actually was, but every tiny touch sent red hot sparks of pain and heat radiating from his backside to the rest of his body. "Uncle...PLEASE..." he whispered, the tone pain-filled remorse. '... _Please don't hate me_...' He switched to force talk without realizing, his thoughts bleeding through to his uncle. '... _Please don't give up on me...please don't leave me alone...please forgive me...please help me be good...I don't want to be bad...I don't want to be a betrayer...I'm so sorry...I'm so_ _,_ _so sorry_....' If he hadn't been talking in his head and emitting tiny nearly silent moans, Luke couldn't have been blamed if he assumed Ben had passed out.

 

As soon as his nephew's thoughts began bleeding through, Luke stopped even the light pats. He quickly gathered Ben into his arms on his lap, hugging his nephew tightly to himself and kissing his head. "I've got you," he whispered, out loud and in his nephew's mind. "I love you. _I forgive you_."

 

Ben was beyond reacting, lying limply in Luke's arms as tears trickled from his eyes. He'd cried so hard, he'd dehydrated himself. His face was hot, and his eyes burned. He had to keep them closed because it was too painful to open them. He moaned softly as his uncle shifted him up and into his arms. His whole body ached from the punishment and his reaction to it; sitting on Luke's lap was extremely painful, but he didn't protest- he needed his uncle's arms around him too much. He couldn't speak, so all he could do was talk to his uncle in his mind. _'I'm sorry, Uncle Luke. I'm so sorry. I have never been sorrier. I'd undo it all if I could....'_

 

"I know," Luke soothed, tightening his arms around his nephew. Using the Force, he brought a bottle of water and a damp cloth towards him. Setting the bottle to one side, he carefully began wiping Ben's face.

 

Ben couldn't even react to the care Luke gave him, too physically and emotionally drained from everything. The heaviest weight on him that made it impossible to move was the guilt. That was something he felt he'd never get over. The only hope in the whole dismal situation was, because he hadn't succeeded in killing his uncle, Luke had been able to punish him...and offer forgiveness; at least for what Ben had done to _him_. He didn't need to carry guilt around for that as well. His uncle had truly given him mercy. _'Don't deserve you to forgive and love me...'_ he thought, but not to himself, as he believed. He was so completely drained, his feelings and emotions were leaking out through the Force as well. It would make it easier for Luke to know what to do...but it made Ben vulnerable to any Force user with bad intentions.

 

Luke could tell that his nephew was open and vulnerable and until Ben could raise shields himself, he surrounded his mind with his own shields, only allowing the thoughts and feelings to leak to him. Because he needed to be aware of Ben's needs and feelings. Opening the bottle, he held it to Ben's lips, cupping his nephew's cheek and encouraging him to drink. "I do love you," he whispered.

 

Ben obediently drank the water, leaning heavily against his uncle. _'I know.... I can't understand how...'_ He drained the bottle before letting his head rest on Luke's shoulder. He very obviously wasn't moving any part of his body he didn't absolutely have to.

 

Luke wrapped his arms tightly around his nephew, embracing him as thoroughly in his arms as his mind did Ben's. Aware that the spanking was the hardest he'd ever given Ben, he finished wiping his nephew's face and then summoned some healing ointment that he could start rubbing into Ben's backside, to help reduce any swelling or potential bruising.

 

Ben, for the first time since he'd agreed to join Snoke, felt safe and at ease. _'I should have known...feel safer with you after you punish me than I ever did with_ him _...even when he was promising me the world....'_ He quivered and whimpered softly as strong emotion overwhelmed him again.

 

"Because you _are_ safe with me," Luke murmured. "Because I love you. Someone so steeped in the dark side doesn't love. Isn't _capable_ of love."

 

 _'I only wanted to not be alone...I shouldn't have cut myself off from you...should have told you…_ _._ _'_ A wave of regret and self-loathing carried over the wide, open bond.

 

"You aren't alone anymore." Even as he continued to rub the ointment into Ben's backside, Luke nestled his nephew closer to himself. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you alone."

 

The ointment didn't ease much of the pain, though it soothed enough of the burn that Ben felt it would get better sooner than later (maybe his estimation of a month was a bit high). What it did ease was his fear that Luke didn't mean his words when he told Ben he loved him and wouldn't leave him alone. You didn't take care of someone who you'd punished so hard, especially not when they'd betrayed you, unless you loved them and planned to keep them with you. ''I'm sorry, uncle," Ben whimpered, in a voice that was harsh from the abuse he'd put it through when crying. "I...I always loved you. I'm _glad_ I failed to kill you. I wish I'd failed at _everything_ else...I wish I'd _told_ you...."

 

Ben quieted and did his best not to whimper or cry while Luke rubbed the ointment in. His uncle was helping him. He wouldn't fuss over deserved pain.

 

Luke pressed a kiss to his nephew's forehead, even as he continued gently rubbing the ointment in. "I know, my little nephew," he murmured. "But you're turning away from that path. And I'm not ever going to leave you again."

 

Ben relaxed again at the words, weariness finally overcoming him. He didn't fall asleep; he was too pained and heartsick to sleep, but he lay in Luke's arms much like he had when he was a sleepy toddler who wanted more of his beloved uncle's stories. It had been such a long time. _'Thank you....'_

 

"I love you," Luke whispered, tightening his arms around Ben. Finishing with the ointment, he cupped his nephew's cheek in his hand. He still had his own force shields around his nephew's mind and he sent waves of warmth...forgiveness...love through to Ben.

 

Ben just pressed as close as his uncle would allow, the forgiveness and love a balm for his heart and soul. The deep ache he'd felt for so long due to Snoke's machinations eased a tiny bit. He knew it would take a lot of work on his part to become the man his uncle believed he could be. But now, with his uncle's promise of help, _he_ actually believed he could become that man. He'd never be able to fully forgive himself for his part in his friends' deaths. But maybe, if he worked really hard at it, he could make their deaths mean something. And maybe, with his uncle's help, he could stop Snoke from hurting any other people. It would have to be enough, since he couldn't bring back the dead or make it up to _them_. _'I was your Padawan before I was his apprentice...I needed to remember that. I won't forget again..._ never _again....'_

 

**The End**

 


End file.
